We’ve all felt it.
That little tingling sensation when your neighbor pulls into the driveway in a shiny new car. Or your brother announces he’s adding a gorgeous new kitchen to his house. Or your best friend posts photos from that lavish European vacation you’ve been dreaming about for years.
And there it is. That little monster called jealousy, whispering in your ear, “I want that too. And I want it NOW.”
Before you know it, you’re figuring out how to make it happen, even if your bank account is begging you to reconsider.
The phrase “keeping up with the Joneses” has been around for generations, describing our seemingly irresistible urge to match, or better yet, surpass the lifestyle of the people around us. It doesn’t matter how much money we make or how much debt we’re carrying. If the Joneses have it, then we need it too.
But here’s the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about: A whole lot of those Joneses are broke. Ass broke.
And I’m not just talking about people earning $40,000 a year.
According to a 2024 study by PYMNTS Intelligence, a whopping 36% of Americans earning more than $200,000 annually reported living paycheck to paycheck. That’s more than one in three people bringing home a six-figure salary that most Americans would consider pretty darn comfortable!
And another study by Bank of America found that approximately one in five households earning at least $150,000 were spending more than 95% of their income on necessities.
Like… what the actual f***?
We’re talking about people earning $150,000, $200,000, or more every year who may still have very little breathing room in their monthly budgets.
Of course, not everyone in this situation is buying luxury cars and designer handbags. Housing, childcare, debt, and other legitimate expenses can consume a substantial portion of even a high income.
But it raises a question worth asking: How much of our financial stress comes from what we genuinely need, and how much comes from the lifestyle we’ve convinced ourselves we need to maintain?
Because making a lot of money and actually building wealth are two very different things.
Keeping Up Doesn’t Always Mean Buying a Tesla
Again, you don’t need to be buying luxury cars, designer handbags, or vacation homes to fall into the keeping-up trap.
Sometimes, it’s the seemingly harmless little decisions that slowly drain your bank account, one swipe or tap at a time.
Sound familiar?
- Saying yes to every dinner invitation or after work outing because you don’t want to feel left out, even though your budget is screaming NO.
- Giving gifts you can’t afford because heaven forbid someone thinks you’re cheap.
- Joining the group vacation while your credit card balance is already large enough to qualify as a dependent on your tax return.
- Buying name-brand clothes and shoes because apparently the logo is supposed to announce to the world that you’re successful.
- Using your home equity like an ATM machine, because why not spread that unnecessary purchase across 10 years?
- Leasing a new car every two or three years because “it’s only $500 a month,” as if multiplying that by 12 makes it less expensive.
And before anyone thinks I’m sitting here on my high horse judging everybody else’s spending habits, let me make something perfectly clear.
I am guilty of every single one of these. ALL OF THEM.
For many years, I genuinely believed that if I wanted to show the world I had made it, I needed to look like I had made it.
The clothes. The car. The house. The vacations. The dinners.
Fake it until you make it, right?
Wrong.
Turns out, faking it is a pretty expensive hobby.
It took me years to realize that many of the people I was trying so hard to keep up with were just as broke as I was. We were all running on the same hamster wheel, carrying consumer debt, stretching our paychecks, and trying to impress people who were probably too busy worrying about their own financial mess to notice ours.
And the funniest part is even the Joneses have Joneses they’re trying to keep up with.
It’s a competition nobody wins.
Redefining the Joneses
Let me introduce you to the new Joneses, the ones I think we should actually aspire to keep up with.
The new Joneses are driving a 6-year-old car that runs perfectly fine, even though they could easily afford a brand-new one. They know that a $600 monthly car payment could be growing in their investment account instead of depreciating in their driveway.
The new Joneses don’t feel guilty about declining an expensive dinner invitation, and they certainly don’t feel obligated to join a weeklong group vacation that isn’t in their budget. They’ll happily invite everyone over for a potluck dinner, open a bottle of wine, and have just as much fun without spending $200 on dinner.
They don’t care if they’ve worn the same jeans for three years, if their kitchen cabinets aren’t the latest shade of beige, or if their neighbor just bought a shiny new Tesla.
They’re not afraid to buy secondhand, keep their phones until they actually need replacing, or tell their kids that just because little Johnny next door got the latest iPhone doesn’t mean Santa is running an electronics store.
And when they get a raise, instead of immediately upgrading their cars, houses, or lifestyles, they increase their investments. Because they’ve figured out that the fastest way to stay broke while making more money is to keep spending more money.
The new Joneses don’t spend their weekends wandering around Target looking for things they didn’t know they needed, and they certainly don’t need six streaming subscriptions, three unused gym memberships, and a $7 daily latte to feel like they’re enjoying life.
But here’s what I love most about these Joneses: they’re not depriving themselves. They’re choosing what matters.
They’ll spend money on experiences they value, take the vacations they’ve planned and saved for, and occasionally splurge on something wonderful without an ounce of guilt.
Because they understand that financial freedom isn’t about how much money you can spend today. It’s about how many choices you’ll have tomorrow.
And while the old Joneses are busy upgrading their lifestyles to match their latest pay raises, the new Joneses are quietly upgrading their net worth.
One group is working to pay for the life they look like they’re living.
The other is building a life they won’t need to escape from.
The old Joneses want you to think they’re rich. The new Joneses want to be free.
What Happens When You Stop Playing the Game?
Something pretty incredible happens when you step aside and let the consumerism parade march right past you.
You stop caring.
You stop caring whether your car is newer than your neighbor’s. Whether your kitchen looks like something out of HGTV. Whether your handbag has the right logo. Whether your vacation photos are impressive enough for Instagram.
And with that comes an enormous sense of relief.
You no longer have to spend money proving something to people who, quite frankly, probably don’t care nearly as much as you think they do.
You begin to realize, sometimes with genuine amusement, how little you actually need to live a fulfilling life.
And here’s the beautiful part: all that money you were spending to maintain appearances can now do something far more valuable.
It can pay off your debt.
It can build your emergency fund.
It can grow your retirement accounts.
It can buy back your time.
Because every dollar you stop spending to impress someone else is a dollar you can use to build the life YOU actually want.
And if your current Joneses judge you for saying no to their expensive plans or for refusing to participate in their version of success, then maybe it’s time to find yourself a new tribe.
Find people who inspire you to become financially stronger, not people who make you feel inadequate because you don’t own the latest and greatest.
Because the people you surround yourself with can either help you build your freedom or make it incredibly expensive to pursue.
You Can Have the Nice Things. Just Don’t Let Them Own You.
Now, before someone accuses me of suggesting we all live on rice and beans, wear potato sacks, and never enjoy another restaurant meal, let me clarify something.
Financial independence isn’t about never spending money. It’s about reaching a point where money no longer dictates your choices.
Someday, those fancy dinners might become a regular part of your life.
That luxury vacation might fit comfortably within your budget.
You might even buy that dream car you’ve always wanted.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things.
The difference is that you’ll be buying them because you genuinely want them, not because someone else has them.
You’ll be spending money you actually have, without sacrificing your financial security or the future you’re working so hard to create.
Today, Josh and I are living a life that would have seemed almost impossible to us ten years ago. We’ve stepped away from traditional careers at 50, traded many of the big things for experiences, and are about to spend months exploring the world together, and the best part of it is that we don’t need to impress anyone with any of it.
We know what we have. We know what we sacrificed to get here. And we know that the freedom to wake up every morning and decide how to spend our time is worth more than anything we could have parked in our driveway.
So, while you’re paying down debt, building your nest egg, and working toward your own version of financial freedom, remember this:
Stop spending money you don’t have, to buy things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t even like. 😉
Especially when there’s a pretty good chance those people are broke, too.
Let the old Joneses keep up with each other.
You’ve got a life to build.
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